Funny as hell and easy to believe.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two
triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button
AND Pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot
is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new
toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two
triple-a batteries, right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie
looking on intentl y (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give
this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some
assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading Glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was Supposed to cause
muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"
long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded
with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible
way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such
a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give
myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to
my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making
meowing sounds I had never heard before, lick ing my face, undoubtedly
thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure,
as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little
I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were
on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps,
right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had
been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still
looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe
return.

Still in shock,
Earl

________________________________
It is useless for sheep to pass resolutions in favor of
vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion.
WILLIAM RALPH INGE, D. D. 1860-1954

I can empathize. I've seen the videos of the officers taking their hits to get their tazers. I
don't envy them.

"Lee Bell" <pleebell2@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:zlvth.858$p%6.359@bignews7.bellsouth.net...
> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
> interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
> little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

I guess it's a good thing he didn't buy her a gun.

I did something similar after installing a hot wire around the fence to
keep the dogs in the yard. It was memorable, but not so bad.

On Tue, 23 Jan 2007 16:45:17 -0500, Lee Bell wrote:

> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
> interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
> little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
> 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
> supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
> assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....

"Lee Bell" <pleebell2@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
news:zlvth.858$p%6.359@bignews7.bellsouth.net...

<snip>

I have been stun gunned, tasered and pepper sprayed.

One of my local buds is a tribal cop, 90% of his calls are drunks and
domestics involving alcohol. He stopped using the taser. After you turn it
off, or the batteries go dead, the drunken, combative subject is basically
unharmed, but really pissed off.

The pepper spray puts them down, and keeps them compliant long enough to
cuff em and stuff em.

Especially the 5.3 million SHU stuff.

On Jan 23, 5:01 pm, nos...@all.please.net wrote:
> I guess it's a good thing he didn't buy her a gun.

My first thought was that the guy better not ever buy hisself a gun.
"Gee, I wonder if this hurts?"

> I did something similar after installing a hot wire around the fence to
> keep the dogs in the yard. It was memorable, but not so bad.

Saw a drunk pee on an electric fence once. He sure straightened up in a
hurry.

JF

Chris Guynn wrote:
> I can empathize. I've seen the videos of the officers taking their hits to get their tazers. I
> don't envy them.

You should try it some time.

It was....interesting.
>
> "Lee Bell" <pleebell2@bellsouth.net> wrote in message
> news:zlvth.858$p%6.359@bignews7.bellsouth.net...
>
>>Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
>>interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a
>>little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
>>100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were
>>supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
>>assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....
>
>
>


--
“TAANSTAFL”
__________________________________________________ __________________________

"A prudent man foresees the difficulties ahead and prepares for them;
The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences." - Proverbs 22:3
__________________________________________________ __________________________

>> I did something similar after installing a hot wire around the fence to
>> keep the dogs in the yard. It was memorable, but not so bad.

I did too. I thought it was bad enough that I disabled the system and put
in a fence. Then again, I really hate getting shocked.

> Saw a drunk pee on an electric fence once. He sure straightened up in a
> hurry.

I'm sure he did. That's what I'd call a sobering experience.

Lee

"dazed and confuzzed" <dedmann@comcast_remove.net> wrote in message
news:89-dnb-346shIyvYnZ2dnUVZ_oWdnZ2d@comcast.com...
> Chris Guynn wrote:
> > I can empathize. I've seen the videos of the officers taking their hits to get their tazers. I
> > don't envy them.
>
> You should try it some time.
>
> It was....interesting.

We had a reporter stop by soon after we got them to do a story on it. We convinced her and her
cameraman to take a pop (just a slight taste of what they have to offer). She took one probe. He
took the other. They linked arms and the officer in charge of the tazers gave a little squeeze on
the trigger.

That was good stuff.

Lee Bell wrote:
>>> I did something similar after installing a hot wire around the fence to
>>> keep the dogs in the yard. It was memorable, but not so bad.
>
> I did too. I thought it was bad enough that I disabled the system and put
> in a fence. Then again, I really hate getting shocked.
>
>> Saw a drunk pee on an electric fence once. He sure straightened up in a
>> hurry.
>
> I'm sure he did. That's what I'd call a sobering experience.

some guy lost his girlfriend, so he got a six pack,
and went to console himself is a quiet place.

he climbed up a power pole, and sat drinking
un one of the upper cross arms.

after most of the six pack was done,
he had to pee. rather than climb down and back up,
he peed from where he was.

It would have been a good idea
not to pee on the power line below him.


100kv really must sting.

>
> Lee
>
>

On Wed, 24 Jan 2007 15:05:01 +0000, in
<xAKth.75311$wP1.2869@newssvr14.news.prodigy.net >, Chris Guynn wrote:
> We had a reporter stop by soon after we got them to do a story on it.
> We convinced her and her cameraman to take a pop (just a slight taste of
> what they have to offer). She took one probe. He took the other. They
> linked arms and the officer in charge of the tazers gave a little
> squeeze on the trigger.

So basically the current path went across their hearts? Doesn't sound
all that smart...